The List

I was laying down in the park at the Singapore botanical gardens today while the kids were playing in the water fountains.  Disney music was playing in the background and I am relaxing while reading an excellent book called “how doctors think” on my iPhone.

I was jotting down ideas and highlighting like crazy like I always do. And then, I had a moment of panic, I couldn’t remember how much Lantus Insulin I used to use in my diabetic patients… Have I forgotten everything?

Then I remember that I have to take my recertification exam when I get back, interview for jobs and renew my CPR. I have to figure out health insurance, find a place to live, get the old junker Ford working. We have to start school, figure out play dates and birthday parties.  We have to collect rent, fix up the house, pull our stuff out of the garage. We have to set alarms, sign up for after school activities and organize our lives around two separate school pickup times. We have Halloween costumes, talent shows, Christmas presents, work parties, short weekends and of course, traffic.

I started going down “the list” and what was once a tranquil moment relaxing in the park turned into a moment of sheer panic. I could feel my heart beating and my breathing quickening. I could feel my chest tightening. I can feel it now again as I write this blog post.

I took a deep breath.

The list, it is never really gone is it? We can press pause, we can crumple it up and throw it away for a moment, or better yet, the year but, it will always be there waiting for me.

Today I saw it there on the ground, staring me down. I couldn’t resist the urge to read it, I quickly tore it up. But here it is again, it is often the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I close my eyes at night.

List, this blog post is for you… When I get back you are in for it! I don’t know what I am going to do to you just yet, but I will figure something out.